Signs that are you could be asexual… (This does not apply to all asexuals. Some of this might be the opposite for some asexuals. So don’t use this as a checklist)

You are sex repulsed or sex doesn’t interest you. If you were never able to have sex (it was a medical reason or whatever), you couldn’t care less.

You are a virgin and it’s because you never had that strong desire to have sex. You have declined at every person’s request to have sex with you because you are unconsciously not interested in sex. You felt uncomfortable whenever the situation between you and the person you are dating turns sexual.

You think all people look a lot better with their clothes on. You look at the naked body as an anatomy thing, rather than an object of desire.

When you masturbate, it’s almost never about yourself having sex. It’s usually about nothing or about something else. Note that asexuals can also be turned on by the thought of others having sex or about fetish things. Straight people might have homosexual thoughts to get by sometimes and asexuals can have sexual thoughts once in a while but they don’t feel the strong need to have a picnic with it.

You had a strong urge to masturbate but you never had a strong urge to have sex with someone else.

You have aspergers syndrome. Not all asexuals are autistic and not all autistics are asexual. People who are autistic are more likely to be asexual though.

You barely or never had sex dreams. Even if you did, you feel uncomfortable during those dreams or you immediately leave that sexual situation especially when it involves you. The sexual situation disappears so fast because you are unconsciously not interested. For example, you have told people that you are too busy or you would completely miss it when somebody was coming on to you. You told people to put their clothes back on and you wondered why they took their clothes off in the first place.

When you were in a deep relationship with someone (male or/and female) you didn’t start to develop sexual thoughts about them. The thought of having sex with one of your friends, it doesn’t matter whether they are male or female, just seems like incest to you or doesn’t provoke you at all.

You have a feeling that some of your family members are asexual., so it is probably something you are born with and it’s in your genes. For example, your 70 year old aunt who is a virgin is so sweet. She never had sexual urges that went unsatisfied. She didn’t care at all. That’s why she isn’t such a mean person because there was no sexual urges in the first place and she didn’t feel as if there is something important missing in her life.

A lot of people in your ethnicity seem to be asexual. You share a lot of similar genes to the people of your own ethnicity. For example, there are a lot of Iranians who are not interested in sex. Some married couples in Iran don’t sleep with one another at all. Sex doesn’t interest the couple or it could one of them who isn’t interested and it is usually the husband!

You never had a sexual urge for someone. Sexual urge seems foreign to you.

You had sex and you don’t want (or not interested) to do it again. You don’t feel any distress from this, so it is not a psychological disorder. Your sexual thoughts and desires were fake/forced and turned out to be out of curiosity.

You might enjoy sex with whoever you are with but you don’t have that urge to go back and do it again.

You always or usually find porn boring.

You pass by some couples and think to yourself “how could you have sex with that ugly man or woman, how desperate are you?” The thought of having sex with an unattractive or average-looking person repulses you or doesn’t interest you at all, and it doesn’t matter what their gender is and how much you love that person. The thought of having sex doesn’t cross your mind when you look at the most attractive of all people. You rarely undress them with your eyes. You don’t care.

YOU KINDA KNEW ALL ALONG you were asexual but you never knew such a thing actually exists. You have once questioned it in your mind “is it possible for someone not to be attracted to either gender?” You felt that society and people have challenged your true sexual orientation once you hit puberty without you fully realizing it. All the kids were talking about sex and you sat there all confused. Some people came out as gay or bi but you were all confused. You know deep down inside that these feelings didn’t come naturally to you and you kinda forced yourself to go with the flow.

People have asked you or wondered if you are gay or bi. They just couldn’t tell. There is evidence that a concept such as “gaydar” does exist. Some people have gaydars that work better than others. People who sort of knew you on a regular basis had a feeling that you are not straight but they couldn’t exactly put their fingers on it. You have successfully confused their gaydars because chances are they don’t know that asexuality actually exists. But there are some people out there who are asexual or know what it is and when they look at you, they can get that feeling that you are asexual.

People may have thought you are straight but not so interested in sex. They knew you are not part of that “game”. For example. they might say “you don’t look like one of those girls or boys.”

You usually don’t understand dirty (sexual) jokes. You are slow in figuring out what they mean. If the sexual joke is easy then you might not have a problem in figuring it out, but the ones that don’t go to the surface are hard for you.

When you think of world poverty and the poor, hopeless children, you can’t understand why those poor people would have sex especially when they know (or they might not know) that kids will be reproduced. You were wondering “why can’t you hold off sex, is it really that intense?” You feel the same way when you think of sexually active HIV-positive people having sex with HIV-negative people. You are thinking “why can’t they hold off sex? Do they understand that they are putting their partners or themselves at risk?”

You have absolutely no idea why rapists can’t control themselves. You are thinking “are you that desperate? why can’t you hold yourself back?”

When you figure out that someone wants to have sex with you, you feel repulsed, disinterested and/or flattered. You might feel nothing at all. Most sexuals get an ego boost from this and you might too, but it doesn’t turn you on or make you feel “validated”.

You might not care about impressing others in the way you look or dress. You might try to look good to only impress yourself. You might dress well to impress a potential employer, look professional/neat and attract friends but it’s not to seduce someone sexually.

You don’t really fantasize. You think masturbating/thinking about celebrities and beautiful people is a waste of time and you wondered “why do other people do it when they don’t even stand a chance?” Everyone else seems like they would hit that, but not you. It’s not that you won’t, because you think it’s sinful or something like that. Your mind just doesn’t work that way. It doesn’t spontaneously imagine leaping into bed with someone. Maybe it’s even that you can’t. Maybe you’ve tried to devise erotic fantasies and have failed. You tried to undress someone with your eyes once, but you couldn’t even figure out how to get their bra off. And if you can make it to the hot & heavy, rather than picturing the perfect mix of ecstasy and passion, you get bogged down in the details and distracted. You spend so much energy trying to maintain the fantasy that you lose whatever pleasure you were hoping to get from it.

You usually fantasize about something else other than sex.

You don’t understand the point of strip clubs. You are thinking “what’s the point if you can’t touch the stripper and what’s the point of looking at a naked person? Why does everyone else get aroused by this?”

You would rather do something else that’s important to you than have sex. You would rather eat cake, read a book, learn something new or etc.

You usually don’t think about sex. You have to take a second to remember why others talk about it and do it (other than pleasure).

You don’t fully understand how sex can show love to another person.

You wonder why others get so stressed out when they go weeks without having sex.

You’ve thought you were straight, bi or gay but you are really not good at it. Romantic orientation has been confused with sexual orientation. They might not feel like the right labels for you.

You thought that every sexual orientation, including heterosexuality was a choice. You felt like you are the only one who hasn’t chosen a sexual orientation because the truth is that you are not gay, straight or bi.

You might think that some people are beautiful or attractive but not necessarily as “hot”. Most people can tell who is attractive or not and it doesn’t matter what their sexual orientation is.

You knew you weren’t attracted to people of the same sex so you thought you are straight with default at some point.

When you get aroused, you think it’s annoying and you want it to go away. You don’t start having sexual thoughts. It’s so uncomfortable.

You thought that everyone else was just pretending to be interested in sex. This view often comes about during the teenage years. The asexual’s friends all start talking about boys or girls, but they don’t feel anything yet themselves. Puberty strikes different people at different times and in different ways, so at first, they’ll just think they’re not there yet, but as time goes on, they’ll realize that they never started getting all that interested in boys or girls. This may lead to thoughts like, “Well, I never got interested in sex, so maybe no one else really did, either. Maybe they’re all just faking to fit in.”

You just pretended to be interested in sex. Sometimes, some asexuals will feel pressured to pretend to be interested in sex in order to fit in. All your friends get caught up in what they’d like to do and who they’d like to do it with, but you don’t feel that way about anyone. So, you just smile and nod, until…

Conversations about sex aren’t interesting. Friends and coworkers like to talk about sex. They like to talk about what they’ve done, what they’d like to do, and what they’ve heard about other people doing. They boast about bachelor(ette) parties or one night stands. They discuss who’s hot, how hot they are, and what attributes make them hot. They make suggestive comments about the delivery person or the receptionist or the wait staff at the restaurant.

If they’re talking about other people, like how “hot” the waitress is or how “steamy” the delivery guy is, there’s a good chance that you didn’t even notice them. If they’re talking about parties or one-night stands, there’s a good chance you don’t have any comparable experiences to discuss. You just zone out when they start talking about these things, and let the conversation run its course. Sometimes, people may notice that you’ve gone quiet and think that you’re offended by where the conversation has gone, but that’s not necessarily the case. You’ve gone quiet because you’ve got no input, no commentary, no questions.

You feel like sex comes naturally to everyone else, but you have to work at it.

You look at other people, and they seem to instinctively understand sex, and how to play the game. Your partner handles it effortlessly, while for you, sex ends up more like a poorly-choreographed attempt at a secret handshake that no one taught you.

You never initiate sex. It’s not that you dislike sex. It’s not that your partner isn’t any good. It’s that you are truly not interested. It’s never on your mind. So, as a result, you never think, “Hey, I’d like to have sex right now. I should go see if my partner is up for it.” This, of course, can cause problems in relationships. Your partner may end up feeling like they always do all the work and may even begin to think that your lack of initiative is an indication that you’re not really in love with them.

You don’t catch it when people are flirting, even when you’re the one doing the flirting. It’s happened to me, and I just thought I was completely oblivious. I’ve been told that I’m good at flirting, even though I just thought I was having a normal conversation. And whenever someone is flirting with me, I won’t notice. (And probably wouldn’t know what to do, even if I did.) Only hours later, when I think back on the conversation, will I realize that something was off. For example, you might “innocently” compliment people by calling them things like pretty, but you weren’t fully aware that the other person might take it in a sexual way.

You think bachelor parties are pointless. You are thinking “why would you all do this before your wedding? You aren’t single, you’re getting married tomorrow.”

You might think of sex in anthropological or scientific terms, rather than romantic or erotic terms.

You like sex, but it doesn’t feel “right”. I don’t mean this in an “Oh, it’s sinful and dirty” sense. I mean it in the sense where something seems off.. At first glance, it seems like everything’s okay, but the more you think about it, the more things feel off. Perhaps you physically enjoy sex. Maybe you like making your partner feel good. When you watch your partner’s reactions, it’s clear that there’s something there that you’re not feeling. It’s impossible to put your finger on it, but you know there’s something there. Some intangible spark is behind their eyes, and you’re acutely aware that spark is missing in your eyes.

You might have thought sluts are rebels, trying to make other girls jealous, have low esteem, men are pressuring/forcing them to behave this way or etc. These might be the minor reasons. The main reason is because they are seeking sex and they are horny but you didn’t know that.

If you are a girl, you actually believed the stereotype that women are not interested in sex as much as men are. You thought you felt the way you did because it seems like a feminine thing and girls who are the opposite of that are sluts and pretending to be interested. This stereotype has kept me in the dark for nineteen years.

You felt disgusted when you first heard of what sex is. Sexuals may have been disgusted too and it’s so confusing but somewhere along the line their disgust has been washed away by their hormones. If you’re not disgusted by sex anymore, it’s probably because your disgust was washed away by society making it seem like “normal” thing.

You hate it when society (doctors, teachers, etc.) views you as as sexual being. You might be annoyed when the doctor asks you if you are sexually active. You are not thinking “I wish” or “stop being noisy.” You know that deep down inside that sex doesn’t apply to you.

The songs you usually listen to are not sex songs. Those songs don’t last in your head and you listen to them for a short amount of time. You prefer listening to songs that are not about sex.

Racism against middle eastern americans

Ever since 9/11, racism grew against middle eastern americans. This has been shown in the media and the insane comments people write behind their computers. It has grown to the point where no one barely talks about the discrimination against middle eastern americans. It went to the point where if someone I don’t know or don’t trust asks me “what is your ethnicity”, I give them a lie for an answer. This is because the stupid people in this country blamed middle eastern americans for the actions of others (Osama Bin Laden and the hijackers) based on the association of regional origin. I call them stupid because if you blame a person for the actions of others based on regional origin, gender, race, religion or etc, it means your reasoning skills are BELOW AVERAGE. I was only in first grade when 9/11 happened. I didn’t know what racism even meant. Iran hasn’t been invaded yet, but some other countries in the Middle East have been invaded. I once heard a pakistani girl say “I think it’s disgusting how some people have called me a terrorist while family is being bombed.” Well let me tell you what I think is disgusting in addition to that. MIDDLE-EASTERN AMERICANS (NATURAL BORN CITIZENS) ARE BORN AND RAISED IN AMERICA. We are on AMERICA’S SIDE. Middle Easterners, including my parents, immigrated to America for the Freedom they can’t have in the Middle East. They are done with the conservative middle-easterners who force their views on everyone else. To accuse us of being a terrorist is ignorant and flat out racist because it’s based on the association of regional origin of the terrorists who live in the Middle East. It’s like calling a typical black man, a thug without no proof. You called him a thug because most thugs are black men, which is racist. I don’t care if you call your middle eastern friend a terrorist as a joke and if you do, it means you are a fake friend. I never understood how calling another person a terrorist is a joke. it’s not even funny and it’s not something the CIA takes lightly.

The perpetual foreigner stereotype

Abagond

dumpyourpenfriendThe perpetual foreigner stereotype in America is applied mainly to Asian Americans. No matter how long they or their families have lived in the country, they are still not seen as True Americans, they are still seen as foreigners. That is why people are surprised at how good their English is and ask them, “Where are you really from?” – where New Jersey does not count as an answer.

Please note: Asians born in America speak perfect English with an American accent. For most of them America is the only country they know. It is their country too. They are every bit as American as white people.

The girl pictured in the Virgin ad that says “Dump Your Pen Friend” is not from Japan or anywhere in Asia: she is American – at an American barbecue, no less. If that surprised you, then you were applying the perpetual…

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My experience of being bilingual

English is my first language. It’s the only language I know how to read and write in because I was born and raised in the US. My second language is Persian because my family speaks Persian. Compared to English, I have limited vocabulary in Persian. When I speak Persian, my family tells me that I have an American Accent. When I speak English, some people told me I have a little bit of an accent, and that’s because Persian is spoken with a flatter tongue, but American English is spoken with a rounder tongue. Those two accents of mine overlap a little bit when I speak one or the other and this is true about almost everyone out there who is also bilingual. I feel as if people, who only speak American English, make more of an effort than I do with their American accents. I used to have a teacher who came from New York. Instead of saying “yes-ter-day”, she would say “yes-ta-day”. Some of the kids in my class would make fun of her, and she said “I feel like you guys make more of an effort with saying yes-ter-day”. As I was growing up, there have been ignorant kids at school who said “what part of english don’t you understand”, “I can’t understand your accent”. Those stupid kids have exaggerated my accent and underestimated my understanding of English. Well what did I say to that? I know two languages and you only know one, so stfu. Sometimes people might ask you to translate English words into your second language, which is very annoying. I’m like NO. There are some bilingual people who feel awkward doing that and afraid of people making fun of their language. “Kobideh”  is a type of kabob. I heard one kid say “stupideh”. I heard that same damn kid call Farsi “fart-si”. In Persian, the persian language is called “Farsi” or “Parsi”. It was originally called Parsi, but after the arabs came in to Persia, they called it Farsi because they don’t have a p sound in their alphabet. This one time someone asked me what my national origin is, and I said my parents came from Iran. This same person asked “Do you know how to speak Arabic”? My face looked offended and I said “NO”. Some people in the West will assume you know arabic because you are of middle eastern descent, which isn’t true because not all middle easterners speak Arabic. There are many middle eastern languages.